Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly.
-St. Francis De Sales

Introduction

Yes, these are the reflections you're sure to be reading more and more of when I think of appropriate stuff to put on here. Please bear with me for the moment.

Life

LIFE. What exactly is it that we are brought to go through these hardships? Life is the essence of the soul that is outspoken by those who do not know how to describe it. It is the proof that we are among many of God's creations. Proof that we are alive. Who else can justify that you are living but yourself?

Downhearted, we face trails that we may not find amusing and simply give in to the darkness we lose sight of what we are here for. Why we are in this godforsaken land filled with anything but peaceful. Though these trials prove to be impossible to overcome, the light that shines down on you only appears when you are helpless and cry out for help. One cannot live alone in the world secluded inside themselves. It takes another to help you through all these.

During our journey along the path of life, we may stumble and fall, get cuts and bruises or maybe even give up. But remember that life is like that. It can push us down. Life, in all its surprises, is so unpredictable we cannot even dream to interpret anything - especially our futures. This is what God wants us to do with ourselves: to have a purpose for living. To follow a path laid out by God, to see the world through His eyes.

We do not gather together in church merely for the sake of upholding the custom of a Christian. We gather because we want to hear the Lord's word and hope to get a deeper understanding of what it meant to be of the Lord's presence. We gather because we want to devote ourselves to Him through our responses and through our singing. This is also where we can rid ourselves of our problems. To share everything to the Lord of how we feel.

Wishes

7.11.05

-For my best friend to accept me for what I am.
In all our 7 years, what's always sparked me in her is her unknown charm. I'm used to seeing her happy-go-lucky self in the corridors and her endless remarks of wanting to hug me. Several times, I'm surprised she even noticed that I had a problem when I did. I know deep inside, she's still a child, yet for that trait alone, I enjoy her good company. But now, she seems angry on a daily basis I can't comprehend why. Most of the time, she's angry with me for such small and incompetent reasons.
All I ever needed from my best friend was to accept me for what I am - as I look and as I act. Deep down, I never want to let go of this friendship that took so long to mold. Despite the guards and misunderstandings between us, I forgive her for everything. 'Nothing happens by chance.' This meeting was decided by fate, and because of that, I want to make it last a hundred-fold.
Anger always seemed to consume her every time she saw my face. Sometimes I doubt that she will ever be back to her happy-go-lucky self I very much admired. It was why I became optimistic and changed altogether.

-For things to go back to what it was.
My best friend always became my last resort in times of distress. She would always lend an outstretched hand. It pains me to death to see how much more distant she's become. I wish that we could go back to the good old days when we would always look out for one another and spend every free period together, along with the barkada. But now, after all that's happened, I'm beginning to lose hope.
Probably the most significant person in life aside from your family is your best friend. And that is what I feel deep down. Unspoken and unseen through my actions, the truth of it is, I firmly believe in my best friend. Until the end of time. Best friends forever.

Friendship

FRIENDSHIP. It has it's ups and downs and most of the time dilemmas that seem almost impossible to solve. Friends you meet during your days of school or coming across seem to be mere coincidences that happen once in a blue moon. Friends are the ultimate source of comfort, joy, laughter, support and even despair and sometimes hatred.

I have many friends young and old that I can talk to about certain things. I have different set of friends, and they're all mine. Yes, the people I spend time with my not be considered NORMAL, but they're EXTRAORDINARY. I have friends who share my addiction of anime, friends who share my addiction of Jars of Clay, friends who are just plainly my friends. Friends who are my teachers and friends who are just too fun to ignore.

Yes, friends are my source of comfort and I would never replace them with anybody else. My friends are everywhere and fill the purpose of life itself. I can easily talk to them about any problems I may encounter along the way, and talk about anything we choose to talk about. I enjoy talking with my teachers because for me, they aren't what they appear to be inside the classroom. There's always something more to them than just teaching us the curriculum. I have never lived through the school year without befriending a few of my teachers, if not all.

The friends who I consider are the most important are my dearest and closest friends - those who I can truly express myself without being afraid of showing how I feel. These people can be my classmate or my teacher or maybe a relative or something like that. They give me more of a reason to keep doing what I do now and keep saying what I say now and keep acting how I act now.

Persuasion

PERSUASION. True, it's a kind of speech that involves argumentation, but are we really capable of doing such a feat? Can we convince people to think like we do, believe what we believe or not? Truly, there are so many things to complain about or to praise for, but in general, persuasive speaking is just another lousy way of expressing a point. Think about it. Do we really want to speak in front of an audience to make a point of a certain topic in society? Not really. But for others, they find it intruiging and exhilarating to do. Personally, I never want to do it. But what's interesting to note is that I give sermons so often to my friends almost subconsciously I feel like I have the gift to persuade people.

Proving a point, as much as it is easy, is also hard in the sense that we think of what to say extemporaneously. But when these words DO come out and actually make sense to your audience, it is believed. Sermons, for me, is a regular way of expressing my point to my best friend - or any other friend for that matter - about a certain problem we may have.

It's because of this that I can't understand why in the world I would still get nervous in front of the class in school to deliver my persuasive speech, when I can do it so well over the phone or in front of that one person. In any case, I have proven points to my friends, telling them that this certain thing will turn out fine or that certain person is not what you assume you see. So many possibilities.

A Passion for Soccer

A PASSION. Of all the things that I get addicted to, it's the sport where a lot of running and kicking's involved. But that's beside the point. As a person, I feel that it's my duty to learn to play soccer for fun, not for winning. I started playing soccer because I wanted to develop my skills and get better. After watching Hungry Heart and Captain Tsubasa countless times, I've grown to love the goalkeeper position. Being able to catch, pass, shoot and control the ball through self-study can work wonders for you. Believe me, that's what I went through. Without much experience as the others who attended the AFC, I've grown to enjoy soccer to its highest. All that's left is to play an actual game in the upcoming Intramurals in school. Let's just hope we pass the second cut. XD Soccer is a sport where your efforts are surely counted.

Based from experience, I can tell you right here and now that you need to constantly practice, especially if you're striving to be a goalkeeper like myself. As much as you don't have to run around, you need to constantly be alert of the ball and to which direction it's going to for you to completely catch it, and not just deflect it. Yes, as much as you think catching a ball may seem easy, it's quite hard to get a grip on it. There's the fact that it may slip off your hands and get into the net. Trust me, I've been training myself in my room and sometimes with my uncle Joey just to make some saves, and they can tire you out. Whether it may be a high, low, middle or side shot, I'll try to save each shot from entering the net or space behind me. That's what I strive to do and wish to contribute to my fellow batchmates in the upcoming Intramurals.. Which has become yet another upset for me. People crush your hopes but never your dreams. That's how strong my passion is. I'll play soccer off school grounds just to please myself and my friends who still care.

Roleplaying

ROLEPLAYING. This became a real addictive way to rid myself of my troubles several times when I was bored in front of the computer. First introduced to me by my friends Ysabel and Sarah, I grew to enjoy it. Everything started in the MSN or YM IM windows until we moved on to the Yahoo Chat Rooms to do some Harry Potter Roleplays.

When time passed, I had grown to enjoy it. I managed to pull off Lord of the Rings as well, along with the mature language and all that jazz. Harry Potter became my so-called 'Major'. Each time I logged onto a Yahoo Chat Room, I'd always play Remus Lupin; whether it was in the Marauder's Era or the Modern Era. I always managed to create my own personality throughout each roleplay I've participated in.

It then became a full-time addiction, where the span of my roleplaying ability continued onto anime. So now I'm doing three types of roleplays: Harry Potter, Anime and Original. The best would be the original RPs, due to the simple fact that I can manipulate my character to do anything without any limitations as compared to a character on HP or anime. Roleplaying, for me, has become something that I have grown to be inspired by. Something that I can do excellently. It was also through the development of my RPing skills that I have acquired quite a lot of overseas friends.

Flights and Funerals

There's never an end to life, it seems.. until that fateful day that you actually breathe your last and slip away to the next life. Flying across the ocean to get to San Diego to visit my sick grandma with my mom, I would soon find out, would be very emotional. And it was. The day after our arrival, we (my mom, grampa and I) went to visit grandma, only to see her pass before our very eyes. That was probably the first time I saw someone die in front of me, and I couldn't stop myself from crying my eyes out. Who could hold back their tears in front of their grandmother? I know I couldn't. One by one, our other relatives came to hopefully still see grandma alive, but they couldn't believe it. She was doing so well the day before. Perhaps the one who suffered the most was my godfather Patrick, grandma's youngest child. He completely broke down as soon as he entered the room. Who could blame him? His mother just passed. My grandpa told me I was lucky because I was the only one of their 14 grandchildren to see grandma one last time before she left. On my part, it would always give me memories of that day to see her heart fail like that. Memories of the fact that grandma just waited for us before 'she went upstairs' in grandpa's words.

After that, we all took the loss well enough to plan her funeral mass and reception thereafter. My supposed vacation in San Diego was spent going out to eat and doing the 9-day novena for grandma. We had her cremated and I was glad to have held her most of the time whenever we'd go around bringing her with us. During the funeral mass in San Diego, my godfather gave a very emotional eulogy I couldn't stop myself from crying all over again. During the reception, I managed to finally meet grandpa's officemate Patricia who gave me Linux. Aside from that, a whole bunch of relatives I barely knew.

Fast forwarding to the wake and burial of grandma here in the Philippines, my grandpa, godfather Pat, auntie Rose, cousin James and his girlfriend Cara came down, as well as my (grand)uncle Art's wife (grand)auntie Cora and kids uncle Edward and auntie Liza came as well for his wake and burial. Each mass before the burial, my mom made me read the poems I wrote for my grandma and (grand)uncle Art, I was lucky enough not to have broken down in front of so many people. It was the first time I attended an actual burial that included dirt and shovels. But it taught me a lesson from the both of them to live life to its fullest and best of its capabilities. I will truly miss them, and my poems for them will surely be with them in heaven.

Deep Thoughts

Well, today's the last day my godfather was to spend here in the Philippines before he goes back to San Diego. I can honestly admit that he will always be a favorite of mine, even if we live on opposite grounds. It truly was a blessing to have seen him twice in one year - which rarely happens, by the way. It goes without saying that he means so much to me and I really don't find it easy to see him go, or for me to leave him. I always seem to break down and cry when the thought crosses my mind that we're not going to see each other for quite a long time.

I think one reason why I want to keep my summers (or at least the April part of it) free is because I hope for the day that I can get on a plane to go to California, no matter what the cause of it would be. It's definitely been a while - 4 years to be exact - since my family and I have gone. It's quite interesting to note that I've been to the States more times than both my siblings. I always enjoy going there and seeing all our relatives there.

That's it.

PYC Wave on Wave

Last June 2-3, the PYC (the Parish Youth Council; the youth group we're involved in that we sing with duing the 1st, 4th and 5th 11am masses) had its annual outing in Nasugbu, Batangas. On short notice, the parents of our fellow members (the Pidos), offered their resthouse there by Tali beach to spend this year's outing. Technically there were originally only 12 members of the PYC who were attending, my older brother Trevor being among them. I was invited the night before the 2nd and Mom and Dad had kindly allowed me to go. Ate Tracy was busy this long weekend because of her dental appointment (Friday) and Driving School at A1 (Sat & Sun afternoon), so she wasn't able to come along.

So anyway, the officers who planned the outing had rented a coaster (a school bus of a fellow member), which was big enough to fit us all. So now, we began our drive at around 8am, with a stop over at McDo along the South Super Highway. During our drive along the way, we passed several checkpoints and stopped at Seaoil (gas station) to await our guide to show us the right way to the resthouse. But since the roads were constantly uphill drives, it didn't take long for the coaster's engine (I think) to overheat. So you could say we were temporarily stranded. Our guide (in a Terrano) had come back and brought the 4 girls to the resthouse first, then come back with a 2nd car (mini-van) to pick up the 9 boys. And it was RAINING to boot!

But moving along, we got there for lunch when the rain cleared up. Us girls got the Master bedroom with airconditioning, while the boys slept downstairs with nothing but the night air, but they were content with that, having brought a PS2 and a TV along with us. Aside from the Pido family, they also had some relatives with them there. Her father was very entertaining because he was always dancing around and was talking funny as well. Hehe. Anyway, we were near the beach, so there was the problem of sand stuck to our feet. But we were okay with that. All of us headed out to the shore and headed out a bit further into the water (which was changing from high tide to low tide), but not too far off where we had to thread, but to the point where we could still feel the sand under our feet.

One of the boys, King, brought his soccer ball, which the boys used to play rugby in the water. Us girls were there, too, at a safe distance from their playing field, but served as one group's goal. :P All in all, it was fun. When we weren't out in the water, the boys had been engrossed in their PS2 basketball tournament and such. We girls enjoyed the luxury of our airconditioned room and basically hung out with the boys as well. There were definitely a lot of laughs during this outing. I was playing around with the soccer ball with Carla, Mia and Carla's cousin (or 2nd cousin) EJ. If not, I was just playing with the soccer ball myself.

Late afternoon brought about a stronger storm until late into the night after dinnertime. Upstairs in our room, there were a few of us there enjoying the aircon and just lazying about on our bed. Our president Itos had wanted to try a Sudoku puzzle on my book (which I obviously brought along with me). So I helped him out until we completely solved one. He says that it really hurt his head thinking, but it was fun all the same. After that, the boys had started playing Texas Hold 'Em Poker (considering that my brother Trevor brought his new case of 'potato' chips, which Dad bought for him) in a round table, and the Pido relatives were doing Karaoke.

But sleep was good and most of us woke up at 6am to enjoy another dip in the sea. Everything had been enjoyable, especially with all the pictures and all that. So fast-forwarding to when we left. We left the resthouse at 2pm in the 2 cars to Seaoil, where the coaster would pick us up and drive us back. Sadly, the radiator hose burst and there was smoke and hot water spouting out like a fountain when we had to get out of there. And quick. It was raining lightly, so we had to call our fellow parent chaperones about the situation. The coaster was running again for a few miles before it had stopped again. We waited before the 2 cars came and they decided on a plan: They would drop off the passengers they had in the 2 cars in McDo Tagaytay and come back to pick us up. From McDo, we would be picked up by 2 new cars from Mr. Pido's office (I believe) to bring us back to Tandang Sora. It was around 4pm when we stopped and got to McDo. We had to wait a gruelling 3 hours until they finally came. The trip took roughly another 3 hours until we finally got back.

First Day at School

First days of school in MCHS are always exciting. Why?
1. It's another year of fun and learning.
2. You find out what your section is (except for the SENIORS).
3. You find out who your classmates will be for the next 2 years (for JUNIORS).
4. You find out who your HOMEROOM TEACHER is.
5. You meet your teachers for the year.
6. You meet up with old friends.

Let me give you a breakdown of my teachers in III-1:

Homeroom: Sir De Leon
Chemistry: Sir De Leon
CL: ~~Sir Laxa~~, ~~Sir Alvin~~, Sir Dhoi
Math: Sir Duke
English: ~~Sir Antiquera~~, Ms. Castillo
Social Studies: Ms. Culla
Filipino: Sir Bigs
THE: Sir Basti
Health: Ms. Bacani
PE: Mrs. Toledo
Music: ~~Ms. Roman~~, Ms. Trajeco
Guidance: Mrs. Abaño

I'm sure it'll be a year to remember with this set of teachers. Especially Sir De Leon. I've already learned a lot about him, and I'm hoping to extend that context further. By the end of the schoolyear, we're sure to have bonded more than ever. It's a bit of a deja vu for him because he handled my sister in his Homeroom as well two years ago. Uhu. (XD)

What I've learned:

-To ALWAYS have coins with you. The prices at the cafeteria aren't exactly flat rates, and I had to accept that fact sooner or later.
-Sir De Leon's hates (which includes our common irritation of noise). XP
-More or less, about the importance of the National Anthem. (courtesy of Sir De Leon)
-A some kind of Yoga exercise (accompanied by 'Ako ay may Lobo', courtesy of Ms Culla)
-To be kind to your teachers and give a good impression for you to be able to make friends with them outside the classroom. (XP) With luck you'll have a lot more fun in school.

Well, that's all for now. I'll be updating as often as I can about school. It's going to look good on this Junior year of mine.

Roleplaying - the other part of it

There are definitely different faces you'll encounter while you're roleplaying, and you know very well that how you play your characters will affect the overall flow of the story. I've experienced a whole range of it.

That's right. At times, I've been praised. Others, regretably, I've been called annoying. I accept these criticisms merely because that is, perhaps the only way I could get around life. I don't take it against anybody for such criticisms, only because I know they are about me and that they are most of the time, TRUE.

Sitting in front of the computer chatting with friends and roleplaying has developed into a disarray of things for me. We are all human beings, after all. We are never the perfect beings, but we try to achieve that and change for the better.

In relation to this roleplaying business, I have, no doubt, have had trouble in my social life in school. You could say that roleplaying was, before, my way of forgetting my troubles about all the misfortunes that have come knocking on my door. And I am convinced that it has most definitely been my best medicine to make me feel a lot better. But thinking too much about it also has its consequences. And I have been given a front row seat to experience that.

You'd be amazed that I'm still finding it in myself to continue after this heavy blow to the face of waking up once again to reality.

Leaving It All Behind

And just like that, those whole 10 months draw to a close this Friday. When this weekend comes along, everything will be over. No more quizzes, no more long tests, no more lectures, no more exams, no more anything school-related. Just 2 solid months of summer (of course, that's just a month of summer for me, then it's waking up early for me again).

Third year, I've always believed, was going to be the hardest obstacle high school had to offer. Of course, nothing would compare to the overwhelming homework of Geometry and the ever-dreadful English Literary Criticism Paper that was to be done in 4th quarter. According to a few of my friends who'll be graduating this Sunday, they say that third year was fun for them. And I've realized that it really is when it came down to it.

I mean, there were a few highlights in my school career that only happened when I was a JUNIOR. I aced my joint English-Social Project (Life Wheel), which I've learned will be put up for exhibit probably in the upcoming school-year (NOTE: I've told Sir Antiquera that I miss it and he says that it really will be exhibited. xD). I aced a Formal Theme Writing Activity in English when I wasn't really contemplating all too much about it (Mind you, that has NEVER happened). I passed the rigid auditions to get into the SAMBA Club. I was chosen to represent the school for a Summer Camp in La Salle this coming April 23-28 (since it involved Computer Studies, and I might have an idea who recommended me and Abby).

Talking about Antonio, Bassanio, Gratiano and Shylock from Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice, George and Lennie in Of Mice and Men, Ibarra and Simoun of Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo, you realize that literature in English or Filipino really entail a lot of discussion in the long run, even up to the point of re-enacting them at times, which really has been a lot of fun.

Bottom line is, a lot of things have happened during these 10 months I was a junior that I could never trade it for anything else. The class retreat I had with my class was truly a highlight of that experience. It was during this time that I really got to see another side of my classmates and in turn, brought all of us closer together.

You don't really realize that the schoolyear's over until your teachers rub it in your face during the final week of academic lessons. A heart-felt song from Sir Bigs (Fields of Gold by Sting), along with a heart-felt goodbye. An inspiring poem read by Ms. Castillo, along with a very heart-warming good-bye (which, I must add, I nearly burst into tears, but did grow teary-eyed). A goodbye and thank you speech from both Sir Bernz and Ms. Culla last Friday, I really feel like - Okay, this is it. When I come back in June, they won't be my teachers anymore. I won't be seeing them come into the classroom anymore, just along the corridors if I'm lucky. But I'll never forget them.

Fact of the matter is, my teachers (all of them) have a special place in my heart. Each one of them means something to me, no matter how annoyed I am with the lesson. In the end, they're still those people who I can look up to and befriend no matter what. The fact that I'm taking another step higher in that educational staircase doesn't restrict me from maintaining what I've previously established with my former teachers.

If I were to make a summary of the set of teachers that have been assigned to my class, I would say that they're the absolute. Who wouldn't want a Homeroom and Chemistry teacher who's so fond of making his students laugh every once in a while like Sir De Leon? Who wouldn't want a Geometry teacher who makes Proving fun (for me, anyway) like Sir Bernz? Who wouldn't want an English teacher who can relate to you like Ms. Castillo? Who wouldn't want a World History teacher who tries to poke fun into the lesson like Ms. Culla? Who wouldn't want a Filipino teacher who instills fun off-the-side greetings and activities like Sir Bigs (Saan ka pupunta, o sundalong PATPAT!)? Who wouldn't want a CL teacher who's sociable and funny like Sir Dhoi? If you had a chance to be under Sir James Laxa even just for a quarter, then you'd learn all these cool claps and games from him that no other CL teacher will think of.

My grandpa told me that fourth year would be the most memorable year of your high school life because it's the last time you'll see your classmates (and teachers) before you leave for College. Since I want to go to UP Diliman, next schoolyear really will be the last time I might see them. I'll have to face facts with reality that to move forward is what we should be doing with our lives, no matter how hard it may be to leave something as special as this behind. But I'll hold my head high, because I know that the memories and lessons I've gained from experiencing life as a junior high school student will always remain with me, no matter where I go.